I think I’m paranoid.

(And now the Garbage song is playing in my head.)

Imagine this:

I’m alone in the house innocently watching YouTube clips on the PC when somebody outside is gently rapping on the gate saying “Tao po…!”

I sneak a peek out the window to see: It’s a man. And 3 other men standing near him, waiting.

I open the door, step out and say, “Ano po yun?” (“What is it?”)

I step nearer to the gate, not opening it, allowing the one guy, who seemed to be their leader, to talk to me.

He says they’re the guys from the phone company, checking on a report for the phone line, waving a piece of paper in front of my face (slipped in through the slots between the gate grill — I refuse to open it!) showing the authenticity of his claims.

Hmm, I think, yes, we had in fact reported the phone line, but it had been fixed days ago.

Okay, I think, with that paper and that ugly vehicle with the ladder awkwardly placed on top, he may just be telling the truth. But, even so, something was nagging at me. I think I was worried for my personal safety.

I do not know what to say… So, flustered, I buy myself time and I say, “Um. Wait lang.” I then rush indoors and dial my mom’s office number. (See, the phone’s working fine.)

“Mom,” I say, “there are 4 guys wanting to come in…” and proceed to explain. I didn’t so much call to ask my mom’s permission but rather wanted her to validate what seemed like my understandable discomfort. I had wanted her to tell me to tell them to go away and come back at a later time. And that’s what she told me to do. (Yay, mom!)

So I did.

The workmen plead, saying they have to finish this job today, one of them even saying “Ma’am, isa lang po sa’min papasok sa bahay n’yo.” (“Only one of us is going to go inside the house.”) — to which I almost said “Are you fucking kidding me?!” I instead say something along the lines of “No, sorry, come back either at a later time today or another day altogether, ok? Thanks.”

And after a little bit of a debate, they left, deflated. And I, triumphant, went back to my computer and Plurked about it.

The End

And now, the violent reaction: Legit or not, do these companies not know how scary it would be for a girl to allow 4 strange men into her house? I mean, COME ON. That has the news written all over it. Or lame-ass suspense thriller horror B-movie with obviously fake blood and lousy special effects where all the characters end up dead. Whichever one — either way, it’s not good.

I did not watch all those infomercials when I was a kid in the 90’s for nothing. Strangers, I totally kick your ass with my well-placed (?) paranoia! Ohyeah!