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Friday, August 28, 2015

Adulthood: The Switch

Filed under: Pondering the Personal,Waxing Philosophical — jungzx @ 7:00 pm
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Do you remember when you were a Child and you’d watch Adults go about their lives?

Walking around the mall, you see them dressed real nice, accessorized and made up like a proper girl and think to yourself “Fucking cool. I wish I could do that.” Walking around parks, you see couples in love and wonder what that feels like. Playing around with the carts while your parents scour the aisles, you observe them pick out their groceries. Sitting at a cafe with your mom, you see them around you, looking cool, hanging out with their equally cool friends, smoking cigarettes.

Adults.

Have you ever realized that now… you’re the Adult in this scenario?

Now, from where the kids are watching, you’re the one they think is cool. You’re the one they want to one day maybe grow up to be. You, with your clothes and make-up. You, with your apartment and your groceries. Your dates, your friends, your parties. You, with your cigarettes and alcohol, with the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever. And, you think, if they knew what I know now, they wouldn’t think I was so “cool”. And you wonder, were all the adults you used to watch from afar just like you, pretending?

Now, you’re the one the kids half-watch in wonder, in awe, in curiosity. And you let them. For now, for all their hopes, dreams and ideals, they don’t need to know any better.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

It was only a dream.

Filed under: Waxing Philosophical — jungzx @ 8:14 pm
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I gave up on my dream just last week. And this time, it’s official.

I said the same thing a year ago and choked on my own words recently. But this time, I’m decided, I’m sure and I’m not changing my mind.

You see, I’m not old just yet, but then again I’m not getting any younger. Dreams are dreams. Some do come true, Cinderella, but most of them don’t. These dreams I refer to are those that aren’t merely superficial, mind you; this isn’t easy for me. I’m talking about the kind of dreams people make huge sacrifices for. The kind of dream that you’ve had your whole life — immaterial and unquestionable. Huge as these dreams are, they are still “just” wants, as opposed to needs. And that is something that I have to accept now as a not-old-but-not-getting-younger adult.

I’d like to think that I have grown up in some way.

Now I don’t really want to reveal the specifics as to what all this drama is about (I’m also too lazy to explain), so I have come up with an analogy of what had transpired, fit for all ages!:

We need food. We crave for cheesy greasy pizza. We looove cheesy greasy pizza. Pizza is oh-so-good, especially with Cheesy Pops with the Cheesy Cheddar Dip. *drools*… But we can’t always have pizza. Sometimes we have to settle for Sinigang,* may it be for health reasons, or because there is no access to a Pizza Hut. Sinigang is still food, though not quite the food we desperately wanted.

And so, I can live without pizza. I am no Cinderella. And although it took me a while to come to this conclusion, I know I’m no Peter Pan either. (Michael Jackson thinks he is, and look what’s happening to him!) No longer can I ask Santa for a pony and actually expect it for Christmas. And I’m running out of cliches, lame analogies and character references, so it’s time for my conclusion:

I give up on my dream, and willingly so. And I say that without a heavy heart.

Well… I give up just on this one. I have so many more that can still come true. :)

*I love Sinigang! I was only using that as an example! Don’t hate on meeeee! Thanks.

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