Unpoppable!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Twilight From A Non-Fan Girl Perspective

Twilight — and the rest of the book series — by she with the name that looks misspelled, StephEnie Meyer, was something that, despite (or because) of all the hype, despite my being a nerd and bookworm, I never got into.

I watched the movie last night though. I wanted to give it a chance. Besides, I’ve seen pics of Cedric Diggory Robert Pattinson smoking a cigarette in behind-the-scenes photos, and pics of That Girl Who Looked Like a Boy in Panic Room smoking a pipe, so I thought, hey, maybe the movie turns out okay! (My logic makes sense only to me.)

And the movie was… FUNNY!!! I was laughing my ass off throughout the whole thing!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAaa–oh, wait. It wasn’t a comedy?

The lines were so bad, they were hilarious. I swear I heard a guy behind me snort when Edward Cullen (Pattinson) uttered that supposedly famous line in the book “And the lion fell in love with the lamb.” (CHEEEEEESY!!! I LOL’d. No, I LMAO’d!) It may have worked in the book but NOT in the movie. A lot of lines didn’t work in the movie. The dialogue was lame, and at the beginning of the film, the chemistry between the lead characters (Edward and Bella Swan) was lackluster. It didn’t help that they were bad actors and Pattinson had only 4 faces. I counted. Let me enumerate for you:

  1. Angry! Or emo. Or pensive. Or confused. Or trying to be sexy. Or lusting over Bella. Or whatever — I couldn’t really tell. His confused look confused me.
  2. Autistic! I am aware that autism is a real condition and I am not poking fun at it. I am honestly telling you that there are scenes where he avoids looking the girl straight in the eyes (?!?!?!), and he looks mildly autistic. Or blind. Like, WTF.
  3. Happy! Okay that was cute. Too bad there was only like a 5 second scene. And he was wearing shades (Why?! I DON’T KNOW.)
  4. and Crazy Eyes! Crazy Eyes I think was when he was trying to be concerned? Involved? Engaged in conversation? Passionate??? I’m not sure. He should have kept the sunglasses on.

After bad acting, there was the character development which was… well, nowhere to be found. There were characters in the movie that were, to put it in simple terms, parang epal lang. They contributed absolutely nothing to the movie, except maybe to act as human fillers. There’s a list of useless characters, but I prefer not to go into it because it’s too long.

I must not forget to mention the important aspect of the movie. The story. The movie as a movie, and not just an extension of the book. It sucked. Like a vampire sucks on its victims next. IT SUCKED. How apt. If I hadn’t been watching it with my cousin who explained most of the movie to me, I wouldn’t have gotten it. I would have left with so many questions.

The ending, if you can call it that, made me go “What. ?” Like that. Not an outright question mark but a “What (period) (question mark)” with a blank expression on my face. To stifle the giggles.

But hey, redeeming factor number one: There really were funny bits and they were meant to be funny. And they were actually funny. And cute. The Cullens are adorable, I’ll give you that. And Edward Cullen’s angry/emo/pensive face was hot at the right angle. So okay, there’s redeeming factor one point five.

Redeeming factor number two (kinda): The parts that weren’t supposed to be funny, were actually funnier than the funny bits! All these negative things I’ve said about the movie were what made it sooooo unforgettable for me. The movie kept me entertained and ROFLOLMAOing the whole time, and I have to say — I haven’t laughed that much in quite a long time! We actually couldn’t sleep just laughing about it until early morning!

So, thank you, Twilight, for the good times and the laughter. I know you didn’t mean it, but I really don’t give a fuck. I’m so watching the sequel and I hope it’s just as bad!

20 Comments »

  1. HUHLOLZ

    Comment by Pau — Friday, November 28, 2008 @ 2:03 pm | Reply

  2. You *snort* actually watched it?

    Comment by Ade — Friday, November 28, 2008 @ 2:24 pm | Reply

  3. BTW Imma watch it either today or tomorrow. And I won’t have an open mind.

    Comment by Pau — Friday, November 28, 2008 @ 2:35 pm | Reply

  4. hahaha I’m a fan of the movie.. but after watching it.. i was just like.. 0_0

    Comment by The Lioness — Friday, November 28, 2008 @ 3:31 pm | Reply

  5. I haven’t read the book or watched the movie… I don’t even have an idea of what it’s about other than Cedric Diggory is a vampire. If you’ve watched TMZ, there was a funny bit about that guy… haha.

    Anyway, I’d like to think that the book was good (as many friends have told me)… ’cause some great books tend to become really bad movies. Like Harry Potter, Da Vinci, etc.

    For now, Twilight only seems DVD-worthy… (pirated DVD-worthy) for me. :) And you? I can’t even believe you watched this! LOL

    Comment by anna o — Friday, November 28, 2008 @ 11:08 pm | Reply

  6. i have mixed feelings about twilight itself, actually, coz i have a lot of “friends” from the harry potter fandom who are also fans of twilight, and therefore, fans of rpattz. on the other hand, i didn’t even get past the halfway mark of the first book. it was easy reading (as in easy). so, much as i would like to hate it, i can’t (and vice-versa).

    still, you can’t deny rpattz is emo! hot. *flail*

    i think i’ll just go with anna and just copy the dvd from someone who buys it. hehehe.

    Comment by undercrisis — Saturday, November 29, 2008 @ 10:09 am | Reply

  7. @Anna O: The book, according to people whose taste in books I trust (also according to undercrisis! Hehe.), is mediocre. It’s chick lit lang talaga. And it’s got nothing on Harry Potter, if we’re just talking about literature. :)

    @undercrisis: There were times when, as I’ve said Robert Pattinson just looked weird. But I did like him in his shades and in certain scenes. *drool* (I am a girl after all. Haha.)

    Comment by jungzx — Saturday, November 29, 2008 @ 8:57 pm | Reply

  8. girl, you mentioned THREE faces of the pattinson guy. then you enumerate four. wtf? hahaha.

    anyway, i never got into the series simply because i read some bloggers who were goo goo gaga over it… and these are bloggers whose judgement i can never trust. so you see, twilight can also be about judging character. listen to the hype and check out who’s doing the hyping. if the hypers suck, then you know how to save money. :)

    but hey, you had a blast with it. so who am i to get in the way of your fun? :)

    Comment by Svelte Rogue — Tuesday, December 2, 2008 @ 12:08 pm | Reply

  9. @Svelte Rogue: OMG! Hahahahahaha. Despite the way it looks, I know how to count. I think I meant to write 3 then I added another and I forgot to edit. -_-; Oh poo.
    Thanks for the heads up. Odd that you’re the first one to point this out. :P

    Check out the movie then you can see if you dig it or not. :)
    It’s had super mixed reviews and a lot of unexpected ones. Even Jessica Zafra liked it (kinda). I mean, huh. Haha.

    Comment by jungzx — Tuesday, December 2, 2008 @ 12:55 pm | Reply

  10. I completely agree with your movie review, but I must add that the movie was much much better than the book. Don’t criticize Pattinson too much, is hard to get over writing that is just that horrible;). Thanks for your comment for the saga review.

    Comment by Kate — Wednesday, December 3, 2008 @ 12:31 am | Reply

  11. Pattinson is actually hot, but I’d like him more if it wasn’t for the angry, confused look in the trailer. Like you said. (And I couldn’t get past that “wet underarms” pic from TMZ. lol)

    Mixed reviews for both the book and the movie. Ugh, now I’m even more confused. Most HP fans liked Twilight, and Patts is probably one of the reasons.

    All of a sudden, I feel like if I have thought of that plot sooner, and put it into writing… I should be rich by now. Hehe. Not bad for Meyer, diba. :)

    Comment by anna o — Wednesday, December 3, 2008 @ 9:33 am | Reply

  12. Finally, a role that required Robert Pattinson to suck.

    I enjoyed the Harry Potter books, but I really dislike (*tastes vomit in throat*) Twilight, so I’d have to disagree with anna o. ;)

    It’s refreshing to see a woman not affected by this Twilight craze.

    Comment by Mike — Wednesday, December 3, 2008 @ 5:37 pm | Reply

  13. @Mike: Well, I’m not into the craze either, because I don’t even know what the hype is all for (aside from Cedric Diggory pulling millions of HP fans into it).

    @all: Now I’ve really given up on ever watching this… haha. A lot of my non-TwilightFan friends have warned me about the “lamb” thing. Now nothing makes sense. Sorry Jung, your blog has become my Twilight rant page. I can’t even put together a decent post about this on my blog.

    Comment by anna o — Thursday, December 4, 2008 @ 9:49 am | Reply

  14. @Kate: But he really was a bad actor. :P I want to see what they do with the second book. Maybe, just maybe, there will be some improvement. Like the Harry Potter movies — the later movies improved by sooo much! :D

    @Anna O: Watch it so you can see for yourself! Hahaha. I’m saying the movie sucks, but I’m recommending this to everyone I know because it’s funnyyyyy :P

    @Mike: Haha. Thanks! There are but a few of us non-fan girls left. :P

    Comment by jungzx — Monday, December 8, 2008 @ 9:47 pm | Reply

  15. haha, easy, easy!…i was kinda forced to watch the movie so i did my best to be amused. and amused i was! hehe…i was trying to discreetly mock with my comments so as not to displease some readers who fell head over heels with the movie and its cast. – that’s why it was bella’s father that was my fave character! hahaha!

    i wasn’t interested with or aware of the book or story. all the while i just thought their acting was what was called for! trying to set a somber mood since the setting was cold and gray. hehe…this is a “provincial” vampire story after all.

    bottomline, i just really wanted to rave about my drooling over victoria! and say that i didn’t regret watching it despite of it and will likely watch the next one.

    Comment by acer9alhmar — Monday, December 8, 2008 @ 11:33 pm | Reply

  16. […] for the right reasons! But just enough so that there’s still enough for me to make fun of a la Twilight. […]

    Pingback by And here I profess my love of a local soap opera. « Unpoppable! — Friday, February 6, 2009 @ 9:00 pm | Reply

  17. […] for the right reasons! But just enough so that there’s still enough for me to make fun of a la Twilight. […]

    Pingback by And here I profess my love for a local soap opera. « Unpoppable! — Friday, February 6, 2009 @ 9:01 pm | Reply

  18. *sniff* *sniff* . . . i absolutely am a twilight fangirl who gets oober defensive and this kinda stuff. buuutttt i can handle it and frankly (as much as i love it) the lion and lamb part, including many other unessary lines where lame. I could have done a better job at picking the parts that belonged in the movie, having read it multiple times. Also give robert pattinson some slack, he’s a) not comfortable playing that role and b) was only picked for chemisty and appeal. his overall edwardness is lacking personality. I think this kind of movie should have been reserved for a movie studio that can afford to do all sorts of techical effects because those also proved to be a disapoint!!! HAVING SAID THAT… this book series is the best ever and i cannot wait to sit in a move theatre for 2 hours watching the NEWLY HOTTER THAN EVER TAYLOR LAUTNER!!!!!! haha fangirl <<

    Comment by ALEXX — Tuesday, March 3, 2009 @ 8:26 am | Reply

  19. I read the Twilight Saga, got through the first book as I found it and interesting read lol (and thought to myself how many teenage girls are going to want the same relationship/man that Edward and Bella had mmmmm), and no I am not a teenager, then got to watch the movie and thought what the??????????? The movie sucked from beginning to end, yes Robert is good looking but I am sure there are actors that could of been much better. Also the movie scenes were reversed in the book Bella looks at a table and notices 5 people sitting and she asks her friends “who are they” in the movie it shows the Cullen family walking into the cafeteria and Edward walking in last and I hear Bella ask “who are they” lol, this had me baffled I had to take the book out again to make sure the scene in the movie is the same in the book….I tried to look for the “passion” they shared in the book and found it lacking in the movie. I have never seen him act before so I could not compare him to movies that he acted in.

    You know when a guy is interested in you he has “that look” Robert lacked “that look” in the movie, I could not and still not understand what the rant and rave about the movie is, well each to his own.

    Comment by Shellie — Friday, April 17, 2009 @ 11:35 pm | Reply

  20. […] the more for that. Ugh. I sound like a certain lame character from a dreadfully-written book whose movie version was even […]

    Pingback by The Finale: 21-30 of 30 Songs I Can’t Live Without « Unpoppable! — Sunday, July 5, 2009 @ 6:25 pm | Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: