So the time had come for me to get my Philippine passport made. And before the actual passport, I needed a passport picture.
Oh fucking no.
Passport pictures have specific rules, I know. Something about being dressed decently (at least from the shoulders up), and a certain measure of distance of the face from the borders of the pictures… Whatever. I relied on the fact that picture places know their shit and should therefore know the requirements.
I decided to just wear this cute new blouse I bought — white, sloppy, but cute, just the way I like it. Heh. That’ll at least take care of the required collar. I’ll wing the rest when I’m at the photo place.
I dragged my ass off of the computer chair to head to the nearest picture place whatchamacallit in the aforementioned blouse as my only prep for Passport Picture Purgatory.
Only to learn that white tops aren’t accepted in passport pictures. I could tell early on, this wasn’t going to go the way I planned.
Luckily, the place I went to had blazers lying around. Photographer Girl said to use them for the picture. I put one on, and I pulled my white collar above the blazer collar, you know, like in Saturday Night Fever but white on black and not black on white…
Photographer Girl: Ay no, no, you have to hide it under the blazer.
Anything white isn’t allowed in passport pictures. You have to hide your top completely under the blazer.
Okayyy. It took me a couple minutes to make sure my cool white blouse was hidden underneath the fugly old-woman blazer. I sat down, ready for my close-up, finally.
Ma’am, you have to remove your earrings, too. And your glasses.
Glasses, right, I knew that. But my earrings, too? They were silver studs! Fine. Done. I sat down again.
Ma’am, your ears should be completely visible. Please tuck your hair behind your ears.
And basically all hair should be away from the face. Flick, tuck, shake of the head for good measure. Relax. Sat back down.
No accessories, check! Fugly blazer hiding my cute blouse, check! Hair away from face, check!
Ok, good. Smile!
Bawal po ilabas yung ngipin. (The teeth shouldn’t be showing.)
One, two, three!