Everything & Nothing

Everything made sense with you.

And now that you’re gone, nothing does.

After the sunset, before sunrise

I remember all the roads we passed, all the places we’ve had dinner, the cafes and 24 hour McDonald’s we’d sit at and the conversations we had over them that would last ’til sunrise. I remember all the things you pointed out to me, all the things you taught me. I remember the songs you made me listen to, the movies we watched, the movies you made me watch. I remember everything.

I remember everything.

And every time something comes up in memory, it’s like a little dagger, thrust straight through my guts over and over and over again. Never enough to kill me but gets me pretty damn close.

I didn’t know I would love you.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off if we didn’t have our coffee breaks together, then we wouldn’t have gotten to know each other. Maybe I shouldn’t have given you my number so you wouldn’t have gotten in touch with me after I left.

Maybe I shouldn’t have fallen in love with you. Then I wouldn’t be going through whatever the fuck this is right now.

This is what heartbreak feels like, right?

It’s not like my heart was never broken before.

This should be routine. I know how to deal with heartbreak.

Or I thought I did but I guess nobody ever does.

Fuck.